Welcome to the greasy spoon protection society.
Firstly, may I explain that greasy spoons are fantastic. The termology is nothing to be offended by. DO NOT THINK THAT GREASY SPOON MEANS UNSANITARY - IT DOES NOT. Greasy spoon is just urban slang for a good, old British working cafe - sadly, one of which is disappearing.
The greasy spoon is going, september was the last straw for me. The New Piccadilly which has been serving great food proudly in London since the 50's was boarded and soon to be demolished to make room for something new, which will probably be horrible, arty and crap.
In a society where people no longer care, a stand has to be made to keep the greasy spoon, transport cafe culture alive. With a spoons dying monthly accross the UK, it is really not on that we allow these great old places get replaced with starbucks and pret - a - manger. BECAUSE THAT'S NOT FOOD!
Join the petition on the left, for the sake of a decent breakfast and friendly experience.
In the meantime, I am frantically eating at these places before they go. So on site now is a review and pictures of the famous cafes, and when they do sadly leave us, a tribute to the greasy spoons of our country.
If you have any suggestions of good greasy spoons, email me here
Latest News:
The breakfast bar in Halifax has closed.
There had been a cafe on that site for over 50 years.
About 20 years ago, the cafe was closed for a 7 year stretch, sold and reopened, then 5 years ago was sold again to the current owners. Now with a rent hike, in the owners own words "what's the point - its a dying trade".
A note on pictures:
All pictures on this site were taken with a high resolution camera but have had to be scaled down for web browsing. Therefore image pixelation may have occured.
All pictures are copyrighted however if you wish to use any of them - please email me as written permission is needed for use and reproduction.
Menuboard gallery
Why the competition can't compete
The greasy spoon eaterys are an odd breed. How do they do what a burger joint or upmarket snack bar can't?
Is it the atmosphere, the food, the service, the surroundings?
Why the transatlantic chains can't compete
I was recently in a Holiday inn in Norwich, and it was great, comfy rooms, good facilities like gym and pool free to guests and a cooked breakfast buffet in the morning; here it is...
... And it was delicious, you help yourself off a heated buffet and you can eat as much as you like. The bacon was nice, the hash browns were nice, and the egg looks really classy, if eggs can. I wouldnt be unhappy to get this in a cafe somewhere, so why can't it match the spoons?
The atmosphere.
You sit at mahogany tables with cutlery to the left, 2 forks, 2 knives, 1 spoon, wine glass and coffee cup and saucer on table for you, if you were in for an evening meal or christmas office lunch, it would be fine. But to compare it to a greasy spoon, it fails.
Personality.
You do it all yourself, it seems really processed. You get the food off a heated table on your own, you take it to your table on your own. There is no friendly owners of waitresses bringing out the breakfast with a pleasant line like; 'allright luv, heres your breakfast', or 'morning, how are you today?'. Compare it to a greasy spoon, it fails.
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Why continental style restaurant cafes can't compete
Often filled with nice greasy spoon features like booth seating, salt and pepper pots in a dated display and an uncovered bowl of sugar, these places tick several boxes on the greasy spoon checklist.
So, you may ask - why can't they compete?
Its the food, its nice, but far from greasy.
I make a point of avoiding these places, but sometime when all else fails - they aren't that bad.
Especially the Danish Bakery in York.
Look it even has laminate tables!!!!!
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Why the kebab shops and grills can't compete
Last week I ate in a grill as I couldn't find a greasy spoon.
The food was alright, not much of it. Small bacon, and a rounded egg to remove eye from depth. It is too sterile for a greasy spoon, the plate is whiter than white, no old patterns peeling off or any sign of marks of scrathes. Compared to the greasy spoon it fails at the first hurdle.
Atmosphere.
It was table service, but the waiters seemed spaced out and away from the task they were undertaking. No friendly banter here, the toast was forgotten and not apologised for. Compared to a greasy spoon, it fails.
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Why fish and chip cafe snack bar grill restaurants can't compete
I have eaten in these places quite a lot, usually after a failed search for a greasy spoon, and they are fine, next best thing, but they still can't compete.
Firstly, what are you?
Are you a fish and chips shop, or a snack bar, or are you trying to be a restaurant using a 'menu' (whatever that is) - I should just point out my personal ethos that nogreasy spoon should have a 'menu'.
Secondly, well nothing, I think mistaken identity is an instant fail, sorry but it is. How can you devote to be the best of your class if you dont know what it is?
Finally, who likes tomatoes?
?
Right and wrongs
A common misconception of the title of being a greasy spoon has probably cost some great cafes their customers, and certainly given the wrong impression to many others. Here is an exclusive True and False table where you can finally discover the true meanings of a REAL Greasy spoon.
|
Statements |
TRUE |
FALSE |
|
Grotty and old |
|
X |
|
Historical national treasures |
X |
|
|
Run by unfriendly patrons and sneering staff |
|
X |
|
Out of date 1930's shacks that should have been demolished years ago |
|
X |
|
Great time warps to get a taste of UK history and a taste of a great fry up |
X |
|
|
Serve high fat, unhealthy disgusting fried foods |
|
X |
|
Serve delicious English breakfasts to a high standard |
X |
|
|
Being run out of town by fast food and coffee chains |
X |
|
|
Only for builders and plumbers at lunch time |
|
X |
|
Chatty servers and owners who have been working there from the start |
X |
|
|
Friendly traditional British 'worker's cafes' |
X |
|
|
Horrible filthy cess pits serving cold unhygenic greasy food |
|
X |
If you are looking for the perfect greasy spoon, it is important to know what to look out for.
You can print this page and tick off features once you have spotted them.
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Good cafes should have formica. it is that great laminate table top cover usually with fantastic old patterns which have been there since the 1950's. Formica is near bullet proof and damage only occurs at the edges, so that is how you know if it is the real deal, or a rival laminate maker.
I have seen this [_]
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Vitrolite panelling.
Vitrolite is a fantastic greasy spoon feature. E. Pellicci's is smothered in the stuff in a fantastic custard yellow.
The ceiling of Putney bridge cafe also has this in Colgate white.
I have seen this [_]
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Tiles.
Tiled outside of a cafe usually points to a great greasy spoon interior.
The regency is the best example of tiling on a cafe, they have so much it looks like a tile bomb had gone off nearby just as they had put an adhesive cement on the outside. (Isn't that always the way)
I have seen this [_]
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Straight to the point
The greasy spoon workers cafe eatery really is going, and and when they go it will be for good, no lottery money, no government grants, they will go and they will die.
But, the ignorant reader will always argue, that there are loads of these places around; not noticing the gap in the high street where one used to be, and not noticing the 8 new coffee shops in the same area.
So instead of listening to my nagging messages that 'the end of the world is nigh', heres some handy quotes to back me up.
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"trendy coffee bars & US chains have helped towards the gradual decline of the English
Cafe culture...London's "greasy spoon" cafes are disappearing at the rate of one a month while the number of branded coffeeshops like Starbucks have trebled in the last 5 years."
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"The big coffee corporations won't rest until every British high street is turned into a branded mall pushing their wares."
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"many good ones have actually been closed down as coffee joints like Starbucks and Costa take over"
Jo Cackett, TNT article
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"Greasy spoon cafes being crushed by coffee giants, wrecked by rising rents, it's last orders for all-day breakfast at classic British hang-outs"
David Smith, The Observer
Formica
To keep the site running, you can buy a piece of cafe history with all profits going to the running of the society.
Formica is famous for cafe top surfaces; and now you can get a 3" x 3" section of Formica similar to the style seen in many popular old cafes of the United Kingdom.
The price is £1.50 with Free UK postage (with the 20p profit going to the site petition fund), just click on the Paypal link under the style you want.
